Who’s Crapping On Canada?

Reports of human faeces dropping from the sky has Canadians wondering if The Donald isn’t the only one who’s been dumping on them lately. Standard explanations about leaking aircraft sewage systems just don’t hold water (ahem) as there have now been around nine reports across a wide area of British Columbia since early May.

The first report took place in Kelowna, BC on May 9. Susan Allan and her son Travis had been driving through Kelowna when they parked at the intersection of Bernard Avenue and Spall Road. As they sat they were showered by a rain of poop through their open sunroof. The freezing cold crap hit her son Travis in the face and even got in Susan’s eyes, causing a mild case of conjunctivitis.

 

“It was a beautiful day, it was pure blue sky and if I had looked up and seen a flock of birds it would have been a different story. All that was there was an airplane and by the time we looked up it was already going over top of the golf course,” Susan said.

“I’ve had people laughing, people making fun of me. I’m sure it’s going to get way worse now when they think, ‘Ha ha, see, Stupid. It’s not true.’ But it is true and it’s making me mad that I can’t prove it.”

Three days later and about 700 metres from where Susan Allan was showered, resident Brett Yates went outside his Ufton Court house at about 5.30pm and noticed a trail of brown splatters on his car and several others nearby.

According to Canadian news site Castanet there have also been reports in Bach Road, Daves Road, Ufton Court, Highway 97 and Enterprise. A man living on Bach Road said he had witnessed the substance falling over his and his wife’s vehicles for the past year. And in Armstrong, a man returned to his truck on May 13 to find the bed filled with blueish splatters.

Transport Canada statement stated that their staff had investigated some of the cases, checked radar data and followed up with local airports and concluded that the substance did not come from passing planes. According to their spokesman:

“The department’s review has concluded that these incidents do not meet the description of blue ice and are therefore not aviation related.”

Castanet recently provided a map showing the spread of the poo panic:

So what’s really behind this faecal fuss? The press reports do not indicate the material was ever laboratory analysed and identified as human waste. Perhaps that’s the logical next step, if anyone has the nerve to bag some of the stuff. You can probably omit aircraft, unless there a bunch of poorly maintained aircraft criss-crossing Canadian skies.

In the meantime, O, Canada – duck!

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